His name was Jesus. Yep, that’s the only ‘perfect man’ I’ll ever know.
But a girl dreams. Disney movies and romantic chick flicks set high standards for girls these days. The ‘perfect man’ is something that’s come to be expected. Disney princesses fall in love in the time it takes to sing a true love song. There’s never time invested, never personality evaluated, never friendship formed; yet, it all works out. I think this has taught our generation to have too high of standards for our first meeting with our ‘perfect man’ then to get upset when he can’t be as devilishly winsome as Prince Charming.
The wedding has men, marriage, and that whole problem on my mind. I can’t escape the thoughts of it. Even watching my friends that are engaged or dating always makes me think. The whole long-term relationship thing isn’t something I’ve had. I’ve never been the one to flit from guy to guy, no going boy-crazy for me. I’ve never given my heart, wholly and completely, to anyone. I’ve never even really had a relationship with a potential future.
Partly, I’ve got some … abnormal views on dating and marriage. Mostly abnormal for my generation, not necessarily abnormal from what used to be widely accepted. Partly, I’ve never found a guy that met my unusually high standards. I’ve got an amazing father that has taught me the way a woman should be treated, and I’ve come to expect that from my man.
I guess my Prince Charming would look something like this:
Firstly, and most utterly importantly non-negotiable: my man must love the Lord our God with all his heart, mind, and strength. There’s a quote by somebody famous that says something along the lines of: “a woman’s heart should be so enfolded by God that a man must seek Him in order to find her.” I like it. I hope it’s true about me. But I also want it to be true about my man. This passion for the Lord includes things like truly desiring to follow His path for our lives, living for His glory, spreading His fame, growing in knowledge and wisdom through His word, loving like only He loved, etc.
This broad requirement encompasses all the “Christian” aspects. His prayer life. His knowledge of the Bible. His worship. His evangelism.
No, he won’t be perfect. But he will be striving towards it with faith that the Author and Finisher of our faith is at work in his life. He’ll be worthy to be the spiritual leader in our house because he’ll be striving always for a closer walk with Christ.
The rest of these aren’t in any particular order:
One. A man that is following God wholeheartedly will do this naturally because of the ‘fellowship together’ verse, but he needs to have good, strong guy-friends. I’ve seen the different a strong male support group can be to a guy. Yes, guys need guys as much as girls need girls. The relationship isn’t the same, but the idea behind it is. A man needs other men to keep him strong, accountable, and de-stressed. A man needs other men to sharpen him and to make him a better man.
Two. A man that is comfortable with himself around others. There is nothing so awkward as a guy that can’t deal with a multi-person situation. Those guys, you befriend and take pity on (in a kind and loving way). You don’t date them. A man that is comfortable with himself will not be different around different people. I mean, he may be more polite to your grandmother than to his best friend, but he won’t take on a different personality. He needs to be able to deal with his friends, mine, family, me, whatever is happening at the moment, and not always ubber focus on one person. Balance.
Three. A Family Man. Like the song, to my man family should be important. Not just the future family we could have some day, but our current ones. My Daddy, Momma, and sister mean the world to me. They’re a vital part of me. How can he say he loves me if he can’t love such a huge part of me? And I’ve heard it said that you can tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother and sister. Hey, Christ calls us family. It’s important. Of course, him having the same future familial desires as I do would also be good. I want children and for our home to be a safe haven for them.
Four. A sharp mind. No, he doesn’t have to have genius IQ, but he has to have enough of a brain to question that which makes no sense and to be able to converse with me. One of the many things I’ve loved about Tech is getting to know people who talk on the same level about the same things that I do. I’m going to be talking to this man for the rest of our lives, might as well make it somewhat interesting! Plus, I love mental stimulation. I can’t see myself going for the rest of my life without it.
Five. Respectful. I’m my Father’s Princess, since I’m the daughter of a King. I’m a child of the Father in my own right. I have a personality, dreams, quirks, and faults. My man needs to understand that, and love me because of and despite my many idiosyncrasies. I’m not perfect, and neither will he be. But I’m not a thing to be used, I’m a girl to be loved. I’ll need different things at different times, and that’s to be expected.
Six. Honest, open communication. I’ve seen it work wonders in my relationships with my friends and in the life of my parents. I’ll need to be able to talk to my man about anything all the time. When we ‘become one flesh’ as the Bible puts it, there really shouldn’t be any secrets at all. So why not start our relationship on a small-scale model of that? Yes, there will be some things that are left out of the conversation between boyfriend-girlfriend. But I can’t think of anything that’s important that should be left out. For the rest of my life, my man will be the most important person in my entire world.
Those things are vital. Here are some more that I’d love, but I might be willing to compromise if God told me it was okay:
One. A left brained personality. I think I’d strangle a right-brained someone within a year. Jus’ sayin’.
Two. Athletic enough to enjoy days in the parks, bike rides with the kids, boating with my family. Motion is important to me, and actions speak louder than words of any kind. I’m athletic and many of the things I enjoy are too.
Three. He doesn’t have to be teen-chick-flick romantic (gag!), but sweet would be nice. For the most part, I’m a strong and independent woman. But sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded that I’m also the lady that he adores.
I know that many of these “requirements” are broad. I also have seen so many of my amazing Christian brothers that fit them, which is good because its partially my brothers that have helped me to solidify them. Growing closer to my brothers has given me hope that there are guys out there worthy of the title ‘husband’ someday. They have set standards for Christian growth, Christ-like love, and respect for the girls in their lives. I’m so thankful to have them and to watch them meet so many of my requirements. Because I know that so many of them will go on to be some other girl’s Prince Charming, and maybe I will have been a part of setting their standards just a little bit higher.
Well, I’m done for now. Those are all I can think of. There are other things that I like or dislike in guys, other strange views on dating, other words to better describe even what I did say. But those are all for other posts, other conversations, other days.
So, to my brothers: Keep the faith. Be strong and courageous. Because, yes, we ladies do notice and adore you for it. We look to the fortress of your strength when everything else seems to be going wrong, and we are always so relieved to find protection there.
And to my sisters: Keep the faith. Be steadfast and loving. Because, yes, there are men out there who are worth waiting for. Protect your heart until you can find that one, perfect man who will treat it like the precious gem it is and safeguard it always.
I love you all,
Loren
